“You are not normal, really you aren’t”, said someone to me this week. It made me laugh. Earlier that week that same person pointed out to me that I have “an extreme conviction for the truth”, I’m not sure if it was meant in that way, but I took it as a compliment. Because for me telling the truth is the best thing you can do, why would you lie?!
It might be because of my upbringing that I feel this way, the most important ‘rule’ my parents had, was being honest – no matter what. Where I struggled with that when I was young, I learned through the years that if I was honest, my parents would always respond in a reasonable way. They didn’t get angry, they would be happy that I told the truth and explain to me – in all honesty – why it would make them upset or why they would react in a certain way. We could talk about what happened without any blame or without feeling unsafe. Telling the truth was ‘the easy way out’.
Through this, I learned to always be honest and in the past years I’ve learned that that doesn’t mean to always speak your mind. That there’s a difference in sharing open and honestly what’s on your mind without being asked – or when you are indeed asked for your opinion. I’ve learned to not always speak my mind immediately, as some people don’t appreciate that, and that’s fine. But if I get asked, I speak my mind, without trying to dampen it down.
Of course I never want to hurt anyone with what I say, but for me telling/hearing the truth is ALWAYS better than telling/being told a lie. And today I saw this quote: “Anything you lose from being honest, you never really had to begin with, my love.” and that just resonated so much! That’s exactly how I feel. If I have to lie to you to keep you in my life as a friend, then our friendship isn’t worth much…
The beauty is: if people are always honest, you know you can trust them no matter what. Maybe sometimes it’s difficult to hear what they have to say, but you know it’s the truth. You don’t need to worry if they maybe mean something else, you know what they say is exactly what they mean. It makes life so much easier! And it gives you many special occasions to learn from. If two people really speak their mind to each other, they can help each other grow, by openly and honestly sharing their thoughts, emotions, automatic reactions, old stuff that comes up. Being there in all honesty, without any judgement, holding space for each other, is in my opinion the most beautiful gift you can give to one another!