Breaking down & building up

I’ve been quiet here the last months, as a lot happened in my life. It felt to me as if my whole life was falling apart…

After the intense time of lockdown in Ibiza, I split up with my boyfriend, I left our beautiful campo house, work for my own business got quiet, my other work became a lot less, money got low and on top of that I started doubting my guides, my intuition, myself. As if I had lost my compass.

So here I was, nearly 36 years old, again without a man by my side, without a house, almost without work and money, no more trust in the future and no clue how to guide myself through it. I broke down… I didn’t know anymore who I was, what I wanted, let alone how to move in the right direction.

Talking with my friends and family sometimes only seemed to make it worse – more opinions, more ideas, more advice on what I could or should do. And one moment I could be sure I knew what I wanted, but then the next moment I would feel the opposite. I could make a strong, clear decision and doubt it the next minute.

Not being able to truly connect to my intuition or my guides made me feel lost. How could I make a decision if I didn’t feel or know what’s right? And after making my decisions based on my intuition and guidance for so many years and then ending up here, with nothing, was this really the way to go?!

The only thing I felt was that I needed time and space for myself. I needed to reconnect to ME, to feel and to know what it was that I truly wanted. I needed to rest, to be quiet, to be in nature, to go within, to nurture myself.

And now, slowly slowly, I start to feel something is building up again. After a few days of just not knowing and not wanting anything, I started to feel like cooking for myself again. Cooking is like a meditation for me, I really enjoy the process and putting the healthy food into my body afterwards makes me feel even better! (see picture)

With the cooking and healthy eating I could feel my energy coming back to life again as well. In the mean time synchronicities started to happen again, things that would come back to me through different events, conversations or something I read.

Slowly it becomes clear that I’ll be working in a different way, more connected with the Earth, the Universe, Source energy and my own Higher self – both in my personal life as in my work.

I’m not there yet, I’m just at the beginning of building up again, but I now know, feel and trust that things will work out again! And for that I’m grateful.

Everything might have fallen apart, but now I can see that was needed to re-arrange my ‘building blocks’ to create something new. I might be left with ‘nothing’ (at least in the physical sense), but I certainly learned a LOT and this will help me to create an even better version of my life!!

A massive thanks to everyone who supported me during these times, by coming over to Ibiza, by calling me, by listening to me, by asking me questions, by suggesting which options I could make, by allowing me to cry, to not know, to be indecisive, by giving me fresh veggies from the garden, by taking me out for dinner, by offering me your free online program, by just being there for me! You know who you are: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!

For now I’m still going to take it easy with myself, but soon I’ll be fully back on track, better than ever! Then I’ll also be sharing more about my new way of working, but first I’ll be taking care of myself. See you soon.

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