New adventure!

In about 1 month’s time (I haven’t booked my tickets yet) I’ll start my new adventure: walking the Camino the Santiago! This has been on my list for a looooong time and as all of the sudden I had a gap in my calendar I felt NOW was the perfect time to do it :)

I’m planning on walking the French route (el camino francés), starting from Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port in the South of France to Santiago de Compostella and finishing at the ocean in Finisterre. A total of 865 km. Although I work as a walking guide in Ibiza, I don’t have experience with a route this long! So very curious what it will bring…

I want to document my journey – both the physical experience, as the mental/emotional/spiritual side of it – and will do that both here in written word as with (uncut) videos on YouTube. Giving myself the freedom to post as much or as little as I want per day on both of these channels.

Moving through fear

It seems this has been my lesson for the past weeks… So many old patterns have been coming up, so many things that I thought I dealt with already, so many blockages.

As you probably know I’m leaving the island for 3,5 months. My initial idea was to visit the Netherlands for 2 weeks and then travel in Guatemala for 3 months. My new apartment would be renovated in this time period, all seemed to be aligned perfectly.

But then going to Guatemala didn’t work out and I all of the sudden found myself without a house to go back to. I surrendered to the process, trusting that everything that felt so strongly aligned before was still right. Something else would come…

And it did! My dream of walking the Camino de Santiago came to the surface again and I realised this was the perfect timing! So all seemed to work out fine again.

I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to spend nearly 2 months in the Netherlands before starting the Camino, but I found a lovely house & cat to take care of and convinced myself it would also be good for my business.

Then all of the sudden work stopped flowing and some financial issues showed up. My resistance of leaving the island and being in the Netherlands turned out to be very strong. I worked through all that came up and had many intense processes, but every time I felt I shed some necessary layers and could see the beauty of the process.

Then some more issues arose: the car I was hoping/expecting to drive in the Netherlands fell through, the options I thought I had to take care of my cat Yin while I’m away fell through, the person who would drive my car here decided differently and then I heard that the whole renovation would probably only last a few weeks and I could stay in my apartment longer if I liked.

I thought about it for a little, but told the owners I couldn’t change my plans and agreements in the Netherlands anymore. And then a few moments later I wrenched my back (where I hurt it before long time ago).

So… What now? Are the signs telling me to stay? Am I forcing myself into something that’s not good for me? Or have I reached my “terror barrier” or “fear zone” that you need to break through to really get the result your looking for…?

I can tell myself all sorts of stories why I should stay here, I can read the signs in a way that’s confirming my comfort zone, so I can convince myself to stay here.

But I know I’m in the process of growing into something new and growth can be (quite physically at the moment) painful. Old fears show up and can trick you into believing that it’s better not to take that new step, that new opportunity, that thing that has opened up for you. Even in ways that you don’t even realise that it is you blocking yourself…

I’ve seen it happening with someone else this week and I got to observe her process from close by. And it made me realize -even though my fears and patterns manifest in a completely different way- I’m going through the same thing.

My ego wants to “protect” me, keep me safe, in the familiar – my comfort zone. But I choose growth, including all the growth pains, including all the (pretty intense) lessons, because I know in the end it is worth it!

Is it uncomfortable? Yes! Would I prefer to not do it and stay where it feels good? Yes! But I choose to move beyond it, to push through, to break down that terror barrier and get to new places. As that’s where the adventure is, where the excitement lives and life can be enjoyed to the fullest!

So I’m feeling the fear, facing my demons and doing it anyway! Looking forward to what awaits on the other side. And in the mean time, I’m trusting the process.

Netherlands – I’ll see you soon and I’m sure it will be a wonderful, valuable & interesting time!

UPDATE 13-2-2023
By now I’ve found an amazing place for Yin to stay as well as someone who’s happy to drive my car! So all seems to fall into place at the last minute again… As always!

Black sheep

This was shared in a video somewhere – personally I rather read the text myself, so I looked it up and sharing it here with you:

The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.

The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.

The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree.

Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.

Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfilment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.

However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.

Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.

You are the dream of all your ancestors.

– Bert Hellinger

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New home!

Just 1 week ago I went to have a look at an apartment friends of mine bought and were going to rent out. And last night I spent my first night there!

In less than 1 week I decided to move, packed all my stuff, released my old home that I loved deeply and moved into this new place…

It was quite unexpected and at the same time I knew it was coming. I received several channellings about it – the one in the image is from 22/10/22 – and couldn’t have been more accurate!

Even though the apartment is totally different than what I’m used to and is not much newer than my old place – it will be! Really everything is coming together…

As I’m planning on traveling for a while beginning of next year (plan is going to Guatemala end of Feb) and while I’m away the apartment will get a massive upgrade! They will install a new kitchen and open it up so even more light comes in, create a 2nd bedroom and paint everything (outside). So when I’m back from my travels this place will have everything I put on my list for what I wanted in a new home!! And we could make a good deal that works for both me as my new landlords so we’re all very happy.

What I love most about this place is that I can see the sunrise over the sea from my balcony in the morning and can see sunset from my bedroom window in the evening!

Couldn’t think of a place with more light, so very excited to be here!

It’s a bit grey these days, but I’ll add a little video of my view from my new living room.

Soon some more pictures will come when I feel I’ve really settled in and everything has its place.

Wishing you all an amazing day!

No social media

Soooo… 23 days without social media so far! It’s been very weird at the start, kept unlocking my phone only to realise there wasn’t really anything to do with it…

It def saves me a lot of time scrolling, reading/watching (un)interesting content or thinking about/creating my own content.

But I also noticed that I missed keeping up to date with some people… So I decided to message then directly to catch up and must say that brings a lot more joy and true connection than social media did!

By now I’m not uselessly picking up my phone anymore and I’m connecting directly with the people I want to be in touch with at this moment (please don’t be offended if I haven’t messaged you personally yet) – so, anything else I miss? To be honest, not really!!

I think it makes me spend a lot less time on my phone and make more real, direct connections to people… So, so far I can only recommend!

PS: for my business I don’t see any real change either! People seem to find me through others with the events that I do.

I proudly present… my new logo!

I was thinking of waiting to share it, as it would be “better” if I had everything else organised as well. My new web texts, the whole outline of my new direction, a clear explanation of it all… But I have decided I’m doing it differently this time! 😁

I have created this new logo myself and I’m very happy with it, so I love to share it with you and hear what you think? 🙏

Why a new logo? Because so much has happened and is currently shifting in me and my work, that I felt the old logo no longer resonates with me. I wanted something softer, ’rounder’ (as a feeling/sensation), more gentle and still balanced and centered. More feminine, but still powerful – and I love the result! 😍

Also I wanted to add “Reconnect & Recharge” to my logo, as I realised in a conversation with a friend recently (who told me I should practice more of what I teach – and she was so right!) that this is what I do in ALL that I offer, not just my retreats. And going through all the recent shifts in my own life, I experienced once again how important it is to stay connected and ‘charged’ and how easy you can loose your connection and end up feeling empty and drained.

So this is it… my new logo and the start of a new way of working (although not completely new, more an evolved way) – all focused to help you to “Reconnect & Recharge”, so you can be the best version of you!

More to follow soon… (or whenever I’m ready with the next steps haha, trusting my flow!)

Little effort…

Yesterday someone came to help me to take the bed apart that was in the bedroom of my new house. Even though I didn’t know the guy who came to help (he’s a friend of the owner of the bed), we worked together as a good team. I let him take the lead, tell me what to do and assisted where and how I could, which worked out really well.

This morning I realised this is one of my strengths, but also my weaknesses: I’m good at adjusting to any situation, offering help and support, while staying in the background and don’t ask too much attention for myself. Looking back I can see how this has evolved over the years.

It probably started when I was not liked that much by my classmates in primary school. Staying in the background and not drawing attention to me helped with not getting bullied as much. Later learning at home to help out even when I didn’t feel like it, being told “little effort, lots of joy” (“kleine moeite, groot plezier”) – it’s not that much effort for you, but it brings a lot of joy to another – certainly helped in enhancing the behaviour of putting someone else’s needs before mine. And when I started working in hospitality (as a waitress/hostess) it became even more enhanced, as “client is king”. Here I started to enjoy staying kind and helpful to even the rudest clients, so they would go home with a good feeling. And I would feel good as I did what I was supposed to do in my job, bringing hospitality into practice, even into the smallest details and to the rudest clients.

Still I love taking care of others, I love helping out, I love supporting and assisting where I can. Not only in my work (now supporting in the background of communication and of course helping and supporting through my healings, coaching, meditations and retreats), but also in all of my other relations. I’ve realised now that this strength becomes a weakness when I’m overdoing it, and I haven’t found the right balance yet.

Looking back at my recently ended love relationship, I can clearly see how I went into this role of giving, helping and supporting and placing myself in the background. And ending up losing myself. It’s not that my boyfriend expected me to do that, or even asked it from me, I did it without realising it all too much, until I felt out of balance, empty, tired from giving so much. I tried to ask for help (which I admit I’m not really good at) and tried to change it, but the balance was lost.

The thing was (and still is), now if I DON’T do something I know I can do to help or support someone else, I feel bad about it, maybe even guilty. As “little effort, lots of joy” – I could just do it, not a big deal for me, I know it will help the other and helping the other makes me happy as well. So adjusting this part in our relationship on my own didn’t really work. It looks like I’ve lost the balance somewhere along the way and it’s very difficult to really feel when I’m over-giving, because I love giving and helping so much, I truly do! So where is the balance? When do I say ‘yes’, when do I say ‘no’? Where and when do I offer my help? Or how long do I wait with asking someone (as I know it might be easier for them if I wait a little longer) to help me?

With a lot of things I don’t really mind if it goes one way or another, so I can always easily adjust to the other person. I’m happy to help, to make the other person feel good. But of course often I have a (slight) preference. So now I’m learning to become aware of the preference and to voice it, even to acknowledge it to myself is already a huge step! I’m becoming aware that I actually do have a preference and then I’m finding out how to express that to others. It’s an interesting journey!

I’m really curious to hear if you have a similar experience and how you are handling it! We can always learn from each other. Thanks!

PS: in the picture my new bed, which I put together all by myself, as of course I didn’t ask for help… Learning in progress!

Big, happy changes

I have some exciting news to share! But first I want to say: thanks so much for the massive responses and love I received (on Facebook) after my previous blog post, it really touched me!

So the last time I wrote is 2 days ago. Only 2 days! I was shocked when I checked it, it felt for me as a week haha…

Exactly 1 week ago, last Thursday, I went to have a look at a casita (small house) somewhere up in the north of the island. It was a lovely meeting with the Dutch lady that owns it, the casita was nice, but the location was quite far out and the casita was small.

As I only had 1 more week in Casa Solara (my old ‘home’ where I was so lucky to be able to rent a room in the meantime) and I didn’t want to share a house with a complete stranger, I was happy that at least I found something that was available, affordable and where I would have everything for myself.

To be honest, coming from a beautiful campo house with 3 big bedrooms and an amazing garden I really had to adjust to see myself living here. I know that on my own I can’t afford a campo house with 3 bedrooms, but the difference couldn’t be much bigger… Still I was grateful to know I had a place to go to.

2 days later I receive a message on Facebook from another Dutch lady, she has 2 rooms and a bathroom available. So the next day, last Sunday, I went to see it. This place was right in the area I want to live, the 2 rooms and bathroom looked good and they had lots of furniture I could use. This felt much better, a lot much more spacious, but it didn’t have a kitchen (I’d had to improvise one) and the family turned out to have 5 kids.

I really love cooking, so no kitchen (and no sink or anything) felt a bit weird, and I do love kids, but living with 5 of them next door…? I had to sleep on it. I came to the conclusion that, as I now only had 3 more days until I had to move out, I was grateful to have found something bigger and not so isolated. So I cancelled the casita.

On Tuesday night I could feel a sadness in me. Even though the place looked lovely and the family seemed really nice to me, I didn’t feel excited about my move. It felt as if I was trapped. I’d been looking on so many websites and Facebook groups for houses, I’ve been tagged in so many posts (thanks for all the help everyone!!), I received a lot of private messages with links to houses, but it seemed I had to move to a temporary place again, from which I wasn’t sure if I would feel at home.

Then yesterday (Wednesday) came… In the morning I still felt this sadness in me, knowing I had to move today and still not feeling really happy about it. I didn’t want to focus on it, as I knew it wouldn’t help me in any way, so I distracted myself with work. Then I received a message from another Dutch lady (so many Dutchies here haha) that I messaged with a few days before. When we were in touch before I told her my budget and it wasn’t enough for her place, but now she messaged me again saying she wanted to talk. So I called her.

It was a lovely conversation where she explained they just had a new 2 bedroom apartment in Cala Vadella, but because of code orange they couldn’t go there now and they wanted someone trustworthy to be in their house for now. If I could pay a little more than I first said, I could move in the next day!

She sent me the brochure of the house and it looked absolutely amazing!! Not in the place I was looking for (but on the other end of the island haha), but at least it felt as a place where I could settle in as it looked good, it had a kitchen, amazing views and no kids around. So I said YES! At least now for the next month I knew I’d be in a beautiful place and I had the time to look for something from the beginning of October.

That was already a lot to take in in 1 day, but the story continues…

I called one of my good friends on the island to share my story, as well as to tell her I would be in Cala Vadella – a place she really loves. I told her she could come over and visit, to see and experience it.

Then she said something I never expected… “Do you want to swap?”!

My friend just moved into a lovely place between San Carlos and Santa Eularia (my preferred area), on the 1st of August. She knew I really loved her place, as I went to visit the house with her for the first viewing. In fact, I was the one who saw it on Facebook and then sent it to her, as back then I didn’t feel I’d be ready to move out of our campo house by August 1st.

And now, just 1 month later, she offers me to leave her place with a year round contract in the area that I love, so she can move to a temporary place in an area I don’t really want to be. I couldn’t believe it!! I had to let that sink in and – even though it sounded amazing – feel if this was really what I wanted…

The house in Cala Vadella seemed really nice as well and everything was arranged, I’d move in there in less than 20 hours! Could I really change everything again, or did I wanted a month of beauty and quietness in Cala Vadella?

As I’m still trying to find my new way of navigating through my life, I needed some time to consider… But soon I realised this was it! I’d get an amazing 1 bedroom place that I can afford in an area I love and my friend would finally move to the place that she really loves!!!

So after checking with the owner of Cala Vadella (who was luckily so flexible to allow it and also be happy with this change, as my friend will stay there for the whole winter now), I got really excited! Where in the morning I was still dreading having to move, a few hours later I found the perfect place! (Or it found me haha)

In the evening my friend saw her landlady and she also agrees, so today I’m moving to my new home!! A perfect new start after the full moon last night – feeling super grateful!


I hope this story inspires you if you are feeling down at the moment… Know that everything can shift within a day! Keep believing, keep trusting. And if you have a difficult time to do that, just send out what you want and then distract yourself – let the Universe work its magic! All is well.

Breaking down & building up

I’ve been quiet here the last months, as a lot happened in my life. It felt to me as if my whole life was falling apart…

After the intense time of lockdown in Ibiza, I split up with my boyfriend, I left our beautiful campo house, work for my own business got quiet, my other work became a lot less, money got low and on top of that I started doubting my guides, my intuition, myself. As if I had lost my compass.

So here I was, nearly 36 years old, again without a man by my side, without a house, almost without work and money, no more trust in the future and no clue how to guide myself through it. I broke down… I didn’t know anymore who I was, what I wanted, let alone how to move in the right direction.

Talking with my friends and family sometimes only seemed to make it worse – more opinions, more ideas, more advice on what I could or should do. And one moment I could be sure I knew what I wanted, but then the next moment I would feel the opposite. I could make a strong, clear decision and doubt it the next minute.

Not being able to truly connect to my intuition or my guides made me feel lost. How could I make a decision if I didn’t feel or know what’s right? And after making my decisions based on my intuition and guidance for so many years and then ending up here, with nothing, was this really the way to go?!

The only thing I felt was that I needed time and space for myself. I needed to reconnect to ME, to feel and to know what it was that I truly wanted. I needed to rest, to be quiet, to be in nature, to go within, to nurture myself.

And now, slowly slowly, I start to feel something is building up again. After a few days of just not knowing and not wanting anything, I started to feel like cooking for myself again. Cooking is like a meditation for me, I really enjoy the process and putting the healthy food into my body afterwards makes me feel even better! (see picture)

With the cooking and healthy eating I could feel my energy coming back to life again as well. In the mean time synchronicities started to happen again, things that would come back to me through different events, conversations or something I read.

Slowly it becomes clear that I’ll be working in a different way, more connected with the Earth, the Universe, Source energy and my own Higher self – both in my personal life as in my work.

I’m not there yet, I’m just at the beginning of building up again, but I now know, feel and trust that things will work out again! And for that I’m grateful.

Everything might have fallen apart, but now I can see that was needed to re-arrange my ‘building blocks’ to create something new. I might be left with ‘nothing’ (at least in the physical sense), but I certainly learned a LOT and this will help me to create an even better version of my life!!

A massive thanks to everyone who supported me during these times, by coming over to Ibiza, by calling me, by listening to me, by asking me questions, by suggesting which options I could make, by allowing me to cry, to not know, to be indecisive, by giving me fresh veggies from the garden, by taking me out for dinner, by offering me your free online program, by just being there for me! You know who you are: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!

For now I’m still going to take it easy with myself, but soon I’ll be fully back on track, better than ever! Then I’ll also be sharing more about my new way of working, but first I’ll be taking care of myself. See you soon.

My first time in Ibiza…

4 years ago around this time of the Summer Solstice I was in Ibiza for the first time (with a dive into the sea at sunrise! – see pic). A good friend of mine was hosting a retreat and she needed help. At first I wasn’t sure if I should do it, as my budget was tight and it felt weird to take days off from work in Holland to work in Ibiza (instead of using them for having a holiday). But it turned out to be more like holiday than feeling like work! And even though I didn’t see much of the island in that week, as we mostly stayed at the villa where the retreat was – except for a few quick beach visits – but when I went back to Holland I knew it wasn’t the last time I visited the island. Never had I imagined to have quit my job and sublet my house 1,5 months later to follow my heart and try to work & live here on this magical island!! But I did…

Being back at work I realised I wasn’t happy and for a long time already I had this dream of living abroad. Having travelled much of the world, I knew I didn’t want to be too far away from my friends and family back home, so I had decided it would probably be Spain. And Ibiza just seemed like the perfect start.

The perfect start turned out to be quite a difficult start, as I wasn’t the only one trying my luck here in Ibiza. Many people are drawn to the island because of its special energy and especially people in the same workfield (healing) as me. Upon arrival I bought a tent, a mat and a sleeping bag at Decathlon and for €75 I had my ‘house’ for the coming weeks. I thought it would be only a matter of a few days before finding a job with my experience in restaurants, childcare and healing work, but I didn’t have much luck. I did work somewhere as a volunteer in exchange for living for a week, but the amount of work wasn’t worth the exchange. So I was quickly back at the campsite.

I remember one moment when I was laying in my tent somewhere in those first few weeks and feeling completely lost. I didn’t know what to do, I felt completely alone and missed the people I loved. Most of all I missed the feeling of being surrounded by a warm family, sharing food, feeling at home. I cried out to my angels that I couldn’t do this any longer… I believe the next day I started chatting with a few guys that were living on the campsite for a while as well and only a few days later we were cooking and eating together. I really had to laugh when one of the guys said that we were like ‘a family’. A little sign from the Universe that I was supported.

Those first weeks went with lots of up and downs, enjoying the beauty of the island, but also having difficulties finding a job and home. Until the moment I ran out of money, I had a fight with the guy I was seeing and I still didn’t have a job or a normal home (and I was DONE sleeping in my very small tent!). I called my parents that evening, feeling completely empty, I hadn’t succeeded to manifest my dream. There was 1 last thing I needed to finish on the island and then I would go to mainland Spain if I could be a volunteer there or I would simply just come home. I had tried and I had failed.

The next day I went to see someone I worked for a few days, to say goodbye and finish what I had promised her. While being there she received a text message and immediately said it was for me. I had a look and I knew she was right. A Dutch girl was leaving the island and needed replacement for her job in taking care of an elderly Dutch lady. The work was part time and came with a house, a car and some money… I contacted the girl and got the job! So that was the end of my time at the campsite and the start of my – now almost 4 years – Ibiza adventure.

It hasn’t always been easy, but I’m SO grateful that I’ve listened to my heart to come to Ibiza that first time 4 years ago and that I’m still here. Life has been a pretty interesting journey ever since, but I wouldn’t want to have missed one second of it! (or maybe just a few haha)

I’m still in LOVE with this beautiful, magical island that I can call home. Thank you Izaja for asking me to help you at that retreat 4 years ago, thank you to all the wonderful people that made my life here even more interesting and thank you Ibiza for being my home. I’m ready for more!

PS: I love sharing my love for the island with you during my Reconnect & Recharge retreats. You can book now for end of July or end of August. For more info click here.