I’ve decided to organise a 5-day silence retreat for myself. 5 days without talking and without my phone, iPad, laptop, books, music or any other external distractions. I would eat extra healthy (only smoothies, salads and soups) and really take time to turn inwards. I felt I needed it. The past months have been very intense and I really needed a time-out to sit with everything on my own, and to integrate all that happened.
In the past 6 months I moved back to Ibiza, started channeling, learned a new way of Healing, went on a very intense journey through Egypt and I’ve changed my name. It was not only a lot to take in for myself, but also for my surroundings. I’ve tried to share and explain as much as possible of my journey with the people around me, but it’s hard to express in words what I’ve been going through. Some experiences just can’t be explained in words.
My life here in Ibiza is completely different than my old life in Holland and sometimes it feels as if I live in between two separate worlds. There is a lot going on here that people from back home in Holland don’t seem to understand, and the people around me here in Ibiza don’t always seem to understand how things are in Holland. As I always try to see things from all perspectives, I can understand the different points of view, the different opinions from here and there, the different ‘reality’ that people live in.
These days in silence I realised that because I’m always trying to explain and always trying to see things from all perspectives I somehow lost my own perspective, my own truth. I didn’t know anymore what was true for me, I almost felt like I had to pick a side – between Holland and Ibiza, between two different ways of living, between two different ‘realities’. I can still see why people from Holland react a certain way to things that happen here, but I also experience that I – from my perspective here – see things different now.
I really struggled with this. What is the truth, what is MY truth? What do I believe in, how do I make MY OWN decisions, regardless of what people in Holland OR in Ibiza might think about it? The answer was simple… Listen to my heart! If it feels right, if it makes me happy (and it doesn’t harm anyone else), then it’s the right decision! If I feel it’s right, then that it is MY truth.
MY truth – because I don’t believe anymore that there is only ONE truth, something we can all agree on (at least not in our 3-D world, experienced through our physical senses). As written in a blog before, it’s all about perspective. If I put a tea cup in front of me with the ear to my right side, you’ll see it on the left side when you’re sitting opposite me. You will never see it in EXACT the same way as I do, even when you come and sit next to me, there will always be a slight difference in point of view. That’s something we can only except. We can try to share our experience, our point of view, but we can never make other people experience something in exactly the way we do. Maybe some people will agree with you, and maybe some don’t.
So I’ve decided to let that go, to stop trying to explain everything, to stop making decisions while taking into account all other people’s points of view and opinions. Maybe it seems that I’m already doing that in my life, but I’ve come to realise that there is still quite a lot that I’m hiding from ‘the world’, afraid of how people might react. Posts on Facebook that I don’t share, because maybe not everyone will understand. Things I don’t say out loud, because maybe people will think I’m crazy. Clothes or jewelry I don’t wear (mostly in Holland), because others might have an opinion about it.
A few years ago I came ‘out of the spiritual closet’ towards my family and best friends about that I feel that I have angels and guides around me and that I communicate with them regularly. A BIG step for me, but luckily everyone was really open to it and they’re all trying to understand. Now I feel I want to open up to the whole world, I don’t want to hide anything anymore! How can I help others to express themself fully, when I’m not doing that myself? It’s time to fully open up, to show everything I believe in, to show myself completely. It might shock or confuse some people, it might cause people to really think I’ve ‘lost it’, but hopefully it might also help some people to show themself more, to open up to the world and to express themself fully!
One of the things I’ll be sharing is the video of our Egypt journey, which I didn’t dare before, because it might ‘confirm’ people’s belief that I’ve become part of a sect. The images and the sound of Solara’s channeled messages might raise a lot of questions. But I know what happened, I know I’m not part of some ‘sect’ and I really, really enjoyed our beautiful journey in Egypt, so I want to share it! The sound of Solara’s voice is different than her normal voice, which might sound ‘weird’ at first, but it’s because she is a direct-voice channel – and so am I. The sound of my voice also changes when I channel a message and maybe some people might think it’s weird, but again: I don’t want to hide anymore.
So I will be sharing more of ‘my world’ with you from now on, without first thinking about how people might react, what others will think, if I should or should not share. I just want to be completely open in who I am, show myself to world!
And if you have any questions, just reach out, I’m still willing to explain and to show you ‘my side of the cup’ :)
Love & Light, Ankhana
PS: you can watch the video here: https://youtu.be/rNBO66CfOOw – enjoy!